I implore change in the Myki ticketing system…

January 20, 2013

My feedback (complaint) to Public Transport Victoria about Myki.

I think that the Myki system needs to be improved:

1. Myki cards should be returnable/refundable/re-useable, so people who don’t live in Melbourne can get their $6 back and the card can be re-used. I overheard a mother in Carlton today deciding to take a taxi to the city, because she and her family didn’t have Myki, and weren’t staying in Melbourne for a prolonged period. For a family of 4 (2 adults and 2 children) the trip would have cost $18 for just the Myki cards and then probably a further $12 on top of that for travel. Why would a family choose to get public transport when the cost is more expensive than a taxi? This ticketing system does not currently support reduction of car travel. It is also alienating to tourists.

2. I have 2 Myki cards. Both of which I left at home one day because I cycled to work. I got a flat tyre on the ride home, so I jumped on a tram willing to buy a ticket. I couldn’t buy a ticket. Why isn’t there a short-term ticket available to travellers who don’t need to buy another Myki? Why aren’t tickets available on trams? How can public transport users be expected to be prepared at all times and plan all of their trips? Where do I buy a Myki when I am at the end of the 57 tram line after 10pm? How far does the PTV realistically expect someone to walk, by themselves, to buy a Myki at night? How far does the PTV realistically expect the elderly, the sick, the disabled and the pregnant members of our community to walk (if they can) to buy a Myki?


Parliament Station has been ruined- reply from Metro

October 17, 2011

This letter is a reply to my complaint in regards to advertising at Parliament Station.

Dear Snoutling,

Thank you for your email of 25 September 2011. You have expressed concern regarding the advertising recently installed at Parliament station and we welcome the opportunity to respond.

Network Advertising
Under the terms of our Franchise Agreement with the State Government, we are entitled to sell advertising space on the train network and contract advertising companies for this reason.

The current advertising at Parliament station was installed on a one month contract term and will soon be removed.

Your comments regarding the nature of the advertising at Parliament, in that it is all-encompassing, have been brought to the attention of our Contract Manager and will be considered when future advertising contracts are being considered.

You have further advised that you find the advertising offensive and we therefore respectfully advise that complaints regarding the nature of advertising should be made in writing to the Advertising Standards Bureau.  Complaints against the advertiser, in this case Telstra Corporation Ltd, can be made via the following methods:

  • Online:             www.adstandards.com.au
  • Postal:             The Advertising Standards Bureau
    Level 2, 97 Northbourne Avenue
                            TURNER   ACT   2612

Should the Advertising Standards Bureau find that any advertising breaches advertising standards, prior to completion of the current contract, we and our contracted advertising companies would be happy do remove the offending advertising.

Thank you again for taking the time to contact us.

Yours sincerely

Case Resolution Manager (Metrotrains)

Parliament Station has been ruined.

September 25, 2011

Dear Metro Trains,

On Thursday 22nd of September I disembarked at Parliament Station, horrified to find that the station was plastered with advertising material from top to bottom. This included the areas on the floor at all entries to  the escalators, on the long wall beside the escalators and various other places hanging from, or attached to, ceilings and walls.

As these areas are ticketed areas which I pay to use, I am disgusted that I have been forced to become part of a captive audience of this advertising. I believe that I should be paid to look at the advertising, as opposed to paying for the experience of entering this advertised space.
When I watch a commercial TV station, I have the choice of whether I wish to watch the ads. I can walk away from the television set, or I can turn it off. At Parliament Station, I cannot close my eyes to ignore the ads, especially on the escalators, as I may have a serious accident. I do not choose to enter the station to look at advertising, I choose to enter the station because I am paying to travel from point A to B.

Not only am I disgusted that I have been trapped against my will, forced to view offensive advertising material from which I cannot escape; I am also offended that my enjoyment of the architecture and interior decoration of Parliament Station has been suppressed by the tawdry and tasteless application of this advertising. The underground areas of Parliament Station once emitted a unique and sleek ambience: the colours blue and white, the faux columns, the tubular steel, the political imagery referencing the above-ground building standing nearby. One of my favourite activities in Melbourne WAS travelling on the Parliament escalators. I could imagine I was a character in science-fiction film or an English politician from the 1980’s.
I can inform you that this experience is now ruined. I might as well go and stand in front of a giant billboard for all the sleek ambience that the underground space is emitting now.

As I am a regular paying traveller, I hope that you can respond to my following queries:

1. What are you doing to rectify the situation I have outlined?
2. If you are not rectifying the situation, will you be reimbursing me for the time I travel through Parliament and am forced to look at the advertising?

I’ll be taking up these issues with the State Government and various public transport user groups as I believe public transport is for public travel – not for private enterprise to take advantage of an unwilling audience.



PS. I have also heard that Metro is considering advertising TV screens in the trains. Again I consider this taking advantage of the captive user. I believe public transport should be an enjoyable space, where one can travel without having advertising flashing in their face or the corner of their eyes.


August 4, 2011

From: Snoutling
To: Dr. B. S. Spam
Sent: Sun, 10 July, 2011 10:47:07 PM
Subject: Pigs

Dear Mr. Spam,
Whilst browsing the internet I came across some very important information about pigs: http://bit.ly/oy8hrY

I thought this may be of interest to you.

I followed a few links and viewed many different breeds of swine. I also started researching the requirements of owning a mini pig as a pet. Apparently pigs are very intelligent and can be trained to sit and twirl around. They like to forage and dig for food with their snouts.

I hope that this email expands your knowledge in a topic which is dear to my heart and that we can discuss pigs in person sometime soon.
Kind regards,

From: Dr. B. S. Spam
To: Snoutling
Sent: Tues, 12 July, 2011 7:30:55 PM
Subject: Pigs

Deerest Snoutling,

Thank you for your recent electronic correspondence. it was of grate interest to me!!!
a twirling pig?!? amazing!!!
My knowledge of this topic has doubled, as I now know that a group of pigs can be called  A DRIFT, A TEAM or A HERD, and that a group of wild pigs can be called A SOUNDER or A PASSEL. Also, a litter of piglets can be called A FARROW.
If a pig and a horse were to mate, their offspring would be called A PORSE or A HIG.
Perhaps we can eat a salty smokey sounder soon!!!

Kindest regards from Dr. Bazzatronling Schiermonnikoog Spam.

McD****ds phone call

October 26, 2009

I got a phone call from the said “restaurant’s” manager- the store which served me wilted brown lettuce. There was a bit of confusion as I’d forgotten I’d given a fake name to the complaint, but I eventually got to the bottom of the story. Apparently, they had just run out of the gourmet lettuce and someone “was getting some more.” (On a Sunday at 6pm?) The staff were supposed to have told me about the lettuce status before I made my purchase, but somehow neglected to pass on this information. I was offered a free “meal” which I happily accepted and immediately felt sick at the thought of ever eating. Probably because the bun will look like this:


Thanks to MelChil for the haunting image. Read the original complaint here.

Response from McD****ds on disappointing quality

October 12, 2009

Quality Visit Comment: I have just tried a “Grand Angus” product. I considered it to be as tasty as any McD****ds hamburger can be,
however I have a few concerns and queries. Firstly, the “Grand Angus” is advertised on the McD****ds website as containing “gourmet baby salad leaves.” Images on the website and top of product packaging show it to include such green delights as rocket, baby spinach leaves and green oak lettuce. The image on the side of the product packaging shows the ingredients to include baby spinach leaves. You can imagine my disappointment to find that my “Grand Angus” had only a serving of wilted brown iceberg lettuce enclosed. I consider this false advertising. Do you, dear McD****ds?

The product should be served with Premium Salad – which consists of Iceberg Lettuce, Mixed Green Baby Leaves (Rocket, Tatsoi, Green Coral, Green Multileaf);. If you only received iceberg lettuce, we do apologise but the this would be a store based issue and can be raised at store level.

Secondly, I was wondering exactly what is being verified by the the Certified Australian Angus Beef Pty Ltd? Is it verifying that the meat comes from a registered Angus cow? Could you please also verify which part of the cow the McD****ds “Grand Angus” is made from?

CAAB is an independent board that certifies that any claim made for Angus beef is genuine. We use the hind and forequarter for production of our patties.

We hope this helps with your inquiry.

McD****d’s Customer Service
Quality Assurance

Letter to Stelarc

October 5, 2009

Dear Mr Stelarc,

I am fascinated by the “Extra Ear” project and have a few questions. Is the third ear an exact replica of your first or second ears? Or did you model its form from another beautiful ear?

Furthermore, does the third ear feel like a small pet sitting on your arm, or does it feel like an integrated part of your body?

Kind regards.

Note: I was referring to the “Ear on Arm” project when directing my queries.